We’ve all been there. One comment, and suddenly your mood tanks. But here’s a powerful reminder: what people say or do is about them—how you interpret it is up to you.
Let’s say you just finished a presentation you’ve worked on for weeks. A colleague says, “I’m not sure this approach will work.” Your heart sinks. You feel embarrassed, maybe even defensive.
But what if there’s another way to experience this moment?
Perception is Personal
If ten people watched your presentation, you’d get ten different opinions—not because anyone’s wrong, but because we all see things through our own lens.
Think of it like this: we’re all walking around with personal kaleidoscopes. Our past experiences, current mood, and values shape the patterns we see.
Taking things personally happens when we forget that others are viewing life through their own lens—not ours.
The Button You Give Away
When you take things personally, you’re handing over control. You’re letting someone else push the button that affects your thoughts and actions. But the truth is—you don’t have to give anyone that button.
I once coached a client who saw feedback as a personal attack. Every comment felt like criticism, which drained her energy and motivation. It was exhausting. Another client had a different mindset—she saw feedback as useful input. Same feedback, completely different internal response.
The Power of Your Reaction
When you react without pausing, you lose control of where your energy goes. If you’re caught up in taking things personally, you’ll waste time replaying that comment in your head, doubting yourself, or planning your response. That’s energy drained, not directed.
But what if you could choose to redirect your energy toward something productive? Instead of focusing on what you can’t control, you could use that energy to refine your ideas, strengthen your work, or dive into your next project.
Self-leadership is about choosing where your energy flows in ways that support your growth, not drain it.
How to Shift the Lens
How do you stop taking things personally? It’s not about ignoring feedback, it’s about understanding perception and choosing your response. Here’s how:
- Pause: Before reacting, take a deep breath.
- Question: Ask, “Is this really about me?”
- Get curious: Consider their perspective. What might be behind their comment?
- Zoom out: Imagine watching this moment in a movie. What’s really going on with both people?
- Redirect: Ask yourself, “Where would my energy be more useful right now?”
- Prevent: Reflect on, “How can I keep myself from being triggered in the future?”
Your Challenge
For a few days, practice being a perspective detective. When something stings, think about their lens instead of just reacting from your own. You’ll be surprised how much mental space you free up, and how it changes your interactions.
Choosing not to take things personally isn’t about shutting down—it’s about gaining clarity. When you recognize that everyone’s reactions are filtered through their own experiences, you reclaim control over your own focus and energy.
This is self-leadership in action—the ability to guide your thoughts and actions, use your energy wisely, and keep your focus where it matters most. That’s where real freedom comes from.
As with everything I share, play around with this and see what fits! Let me know what you discover.